


Knock Knock

by SarcasticSmiler



Series: Procrastinating One Shots [10]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Not Related, M/M, Postman!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-13 20:45:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5716465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasticSmiler/pseuds/SarcasticSmiler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a postman AU, that's it really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knock Knock

_*Knock Knock_ *

Kíli jolted awake, blinking open eyes that really didn’t want to open.

* _Knock Knock_ *

With a groan he flung himself out of bed. Tripping over the shoes he’d haphazardly kicked off the previous night, he staggered from his room and down the hall to confront his untimely alarm clock.

Pulling open the front door, Kíli squeezed his eyes shut at the bright, too bright really, sun light that came streaming in.

“Good morning!”

And oh that voice was just too damn cheerful.

“Morning,” Kíli more or less grunted, cracking open his eyes to see a vague human-esque shape before him holding out a small box.

“I’ve a package for a Mr. Disson.”

“Thanks,” reaching out Kíli grabbed the box.

“Got it?” the cheery postman asked, not letting go of the package till Kíli had a firm grip of it.

With a yawn Kíli bid the postman goodbye and closed the door. Plonking the package down on the hall table, he ran his fingers through his hair, wincing when they encountered tangles. Perhaps today would be the day that he took a comb to it.

_~two weeks later~_

* _Knock Knock_ *

Kíli rather abruptly sat up in bed, pillow creases in his cheek and hair pointing in every direction as he looked around like a confused kitten. Squinting at his clock, he groaned at the time.

Only half ten? Seriously?

He’d stayed up later than anticipated that night, playing computer games to destress after a shitty shift at work. And now someone was knocking on his door.

Tumbling from bed he made his way to the front door, only to be blinded once again by the light when he opened it.

“Morning!”

That cheerful voice greeted him.

“I’ve a package for your neighbour, I was wondering if you’d be able to accept it for them?”

“Sure,” Kíli grunted.

Seriously if the postman expected any more from him then he really shouldn’t wake him up so damn early.

“Here, if you could just sign here for me.”

Grasping the little pen thing with sleep weak fingers Kíli scribbled an approximation of his signature, handing it back before it was replaced with a squidgy parcel.

“Thanks, I’ll leave a note with your neighbour so they know it’s here.”

“Kay, thanks, bye,” Kíli mumbled, closing the door he dumped the parcel on the hall table before returning to his room and collapsing on his bed.

_~one week later~_

* _Knock Knock_ *

Kíli’s eyes shot open, falling automatically to his clock.

Half nine. Half bloody nine. Who knocks on the door at half _fecking_ nine in the morning?

“Good morning!”

Of course. Who else but Mr. Sodding Sunshine the Postman.

“Parcel for you.”

Not even bothering to open his eyes this time Kíli held out his hands for the package. Though he cracked open an eye at the chuckle emanating from postman shaped form before him.

“Do you work nights or something?”

“No,” Kíli grumbled, “Evenings.”

_~four days later~_

“There’s a package for you,” Dis chirped as her son stumbled into the kitchen.

“What?”

“A package. I answered the door for you as you were still wallowing in that pit you call a bedroom.”

“Love you too, mum.”

“He’s a lovely looking young man, your postman. Though I think he was expecting you, not me, when the door opened.”

“Oh?” Kíli yawned, only half paying attention as he watched the kettle, waiting for it to boil.

“Yes, started off with a rather cheerful ‘good morning!’ only to peter off when he saw it was me, offering a less enthusiastic ‘good morning’ instead.”

“He’s always like that.”

“He’s a rather handsome lad.”

“Is he?”

“You’ve answered the door to him, Killian, you should know.”

“I haven’t a clue what he looks like, he’s just this overly cheerful hazy blob that wakes me up early in the morning.”

“Yes, well, your ‘early’ mornings are what most civilized people deem to be either mid-morning or afternoon. Anyway, I think he might like you.”

“I think he just likes mocking me.”

“Every relationship has to start somewhere, dear.”

“Mother, do not try and set me up with the damn postman!”

“Well he’s seen you at your worst, so there’s no harm in trying.”

“Mother!”

_~three days later~_

“Good morning!”

Kíli could just _hear_ the damn smirk in Mr Bright and Cheerful’s voice, he didn’t need to see it. Not that he could, being blinded by the morning sun as usual.

“I’ve a package for you and a package for your neighbour today. If you could please sign here.”

Squinting against the light, Kíli tried to make out something of what the perky alarm clock of a postman looked like.

Blond hair was that? Or was it just the sun shining down and turning everything to gold as it attempted to burn Kíli’s eyes from his head?

“You sure you don’t work nights?”

“Just evenings and my sleeping pattern is a bit screwed,” Kíli admitted, conceding defeat, he closed his eyes against the light, sighing in relief once the door was finally closed, blocking the evil rays from entering.

-x-

“So the new postman’s kinda cute.”

“Ori, seriously?”

“What? Don’t you agree? And here I thought he was your type.”

“I don’t know what he looks like, he always drags me out of bed, and I can’t see jack shit when I get up.”

“Shame, I think you’d like him.”

“Wait, have you been talking to my mother?”

“Maybe?”

“Right, that’s it, take your package and leave. I swear, you and my mother _will not_ be setting me up with a damn morning person of a postman!”

_~six months later~_

“Knock knock.”

“I hate you, go ‘way.”

“Good morning to you too.”

With a groan Kíli buried his face in a sleep warm neck as his postman chuckled, pulling their rather naked forms closer together.

**Author's Note:**

> This is vaguely based on real life.  
> There is a postman. He often wakes me up. I've no idea what he looks like, even though I've been answering the door to him for months. I'm convinced he enjoys mocking me. My mother thinks he likes me. Our neighbour told my father that 'yes, he is good looking'. Now my father keeps asking me if it's that specific postman when ever we see a postman down our road. The only things I know about this particular postman is that he's overly cheerful in the morning and has dark hair...I think.  
> Alas my life is not an AU and so I can only hope my parents shut up about the damn postman at some point. In the mean time this happened, it's not great I know, but sod it, it's nearly half one in the morning and I'm tired.


End file.
